


Papa Wolf

by SoMilkShake



Category: SKAM (Spain)
Genre: BPD, F/F, Family, Gen, I'm really bad at tags, Other, anyway, doubts, let's enjoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:53:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22119709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoMilkShake/pseuds/SoMilkShake
Summary: Just a talk between Joana and her father.(Yes, there's some Crisana/Croana/Call them as you wish)
Relationships: Cristina "Cris" Soto Peña/Joana Bianchi Acosta, Joana Bianchi Acosta/Joana's Father
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	1. Thursday, 15h34

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I don't pretend to perfectly know Skam Spain, and I don't pretend to perfectly represent Joana.   
> I'm French, so, yeah, my English must be shitty, but I did my best to be understandable.  
> Anyway, enjoy the reading!

She hasn’t seen Cris for _2 days, 3 hours and 26 minutes, well 27 now_ , _yes, she counts_. _That’s not a long time_ , but when she is like this, she can’t bare staying at home _alone. Well, alone no_. But staying at home with her controlling parents who checks on her _every fucking hours_ doesn’t count. She wants to see the people she _loves_ , especially Cris, not that she doesn’t love her parents, but… _Arg Anyway_. Her mind is messy, and full, and empty, and far away, and loud, and dark, and... “Fuck!” she throws away her drawing and hits her table with her fists. 

Cris can’t come to see her because she’s close to her exams and Cris’ mother doesn’t let her see her “friend” because it would disturb her. She knows that Joana is her daughter’s girlfriend, but “it would kill her to admit it” as Cris would say. In a way she is right. Joana isn’t the perfect person to be with before an exam right now, but still… _I need her._

Someone knocks the door. _Again. Unbelievable_. “What do you want Mamà?” she sighs annoyingly.

“Can I come in?” asks a soft man’s voice behind the door.

“No. But I think I don’t have the choice, right?” she blurts.

“Fair point.” He says with a smile by entering his daughter’s room. “I just heard you hit your table. Maybe we could…” He freezes. There are _millions_ (and “millions” isn’t enough) of drawings, on the walls, on the bed, on the floor. _Where does she find all this inspiration?_ Most of her today’s works represent a little frog, or a woman with braids/bun and glasses. _They were so much darker and messier before she met Cris_. _That’s great_. 

“Papa. What do you want?” she asks impatiently. He is lost in his thoughts. He doesn’t have the time to answer, she continues with the same annoyed gaze “Did Mom ask you to check me out while she is at the supermarket? I can handle myself Dad. And yes, I hit my table, but if it’s your question, no I didn’t break anything that you will have to repay. And, do you remember that I hate when you’re entering the little personal space you leave me?”. She doesn’t want to be so mad at him, but all her loneliness and frustration are against him right now. She can’t prevent it. _He doesn’t deserve that_.

He feels a little stun by his daughter bitterness. He hasn’t expected that before entering the room. _Just say what you want to say, idiot, she’s already mad at you, don’t make it worse_. “Hum… Sorry _hija_. It’s just that… I know that your mom doesn’t want you to go out because the doctor said it was better for you to stay in a “stable” environment. But I thought… Well… I just wanted to ask if _Mi pequeña loba_ wants to get out of her room while her Mamà is out of the house.” He says with a grin and scratching the back of his head.

Her gaze goes softer. It’s been a long time since her father hasn’t taken a time alone with her. He tries his best to be a little more open to her since their _big fight_ a week ago. He is the reason why she is lock in her room, after her _stupid crisis_. _He is making effort, why shouldn’t I?_ She feels her mind lighten. “Yeah, why not.”. _He looks released_. She smiles at him. “I like this little park a few blocks away. Can _Mi viejo padre lobo_ walk?” she says playfully.

“Yes. He can.” He says falsely annoyed. “Only if we can buy some food on the road!” he smirks. They burst out laughing. _It feels like ages since I haven’t saw her smile at me like that_.

“You loser. What about mom’s advices for your health?” she reminds him.

“I never said I agreed with her.” he shrugs.


	2. Thursday, 16h17

They are laying on the grass, some donuts between them, sunlight on their skins. No sound, just their breath and a little breeze in leaves.

“I’m sorry” he says a little bit anxious.

“About what?” she asks with a husky voice, barely sleeping.

“About last week, about your crisis, about being an asshole every time we’re having dinner together.” He declares, mad at himself.

“Papa, seriously, do we have to ruin this moment?” she asks with a sigh and her hands on her face, rubbing her eyes.

“Yes.” He seriously says. He sits next to his daughter. She doesn’t really want to look at him, she keeps her eyes close and stays lying. _I won’t force her_. “I have to ruin this moment, because I don’t want to ruin all the others that are coming. I’m sick of causing every of your crisis lately. I’m your father, I’m supposed to hold you, to keep you safe, to keep you warm in the dark and cold moments, but all I’m doing is making you sad, or angry, or just feel nothing good.”

“I never asked you to be like that with me.” she interrupts him, something unreadable in her tone.

“I know.” He continues. “I know, but _I_ want to be like that with you, because you deserve this, and your mother deserves it too; to have someone holding her when she feels not good enough for her daughter.”

 _What?_ Joana opens her eyes. “Does Mom really think that?” she asks, surprised, staring at her father.

 _Have I gone too far? No, we need to be clear with our feelings, no lies, not anymore._ “Yes.” He answers. “You know, when you tell us that you feel like a burden. Sometimes we feel the same.” They can’t let their gaze go. “The truth is, that we are scared. Not about BPD. No. We are afraid of not being good enough parents for you, we are scared of making mistakes, because we are making more and more of them lately.”

She wants to say something, _anything_ , but nothing is coming, she is lying on the grass, staring at her father’s gaze, she doesn’t know what she is feeling, _sadness? angriness? tiredness? I’m sorry… Sorry to be me. Sorry to make you feel that way. I’m, I…_

He sees his daughter looking at him, but he knows that her mind is somewhere else, overwhelmed, but he has to continue, he wants to apologize for _everything_. “Last week, when I talked about finding a job for you this summer, I didn’t want to put pressure on you. At all. I just wanted you to feel “normal”, and you know that I hate this word. I wanted you to feel free, to do things like other people of your age. I just wanted you to try to find your path, to find what really matters to you, to find something you like to do. I’m sorry that I didn’t saw the signs that evening, that you already were in pain and dealing with other stressful stuff.” He makes a little pause. He doesn’t really know how to say it, if it’s the right moment… _Just do it_. “But… Most of all… I wanted to say… Well, you know… That… That… _Te amo_ _pequeña loba.”_ He doesn’t have the time to look at his daughter again, when he feels arms around him and hears his daughter sobbing on his chest. He is a little surprised. _She looks so vulnerable_. She never let him see her like that. He wraps his arms around her and holds her tight.

\---

She stays in his arms for like 20 minutes, without a word, just his warmness and protection. She hasn’t felt like that with him since her diagnosis. He never apologized to her like that before, he never told her how he felt about her BPD, _he never says a thing_. She doesn’t know what to tell him. She just feels empty. Her parents do so much effort for her and she doesn’t even know how much they struggle because of her. _Damn, I’m so selfish!_

He feels Joana moving in his arms, _something’s wrong_. “Don’t you dare thinking that it’s your fault.” She freezes in his arms. _Of course, she is thinking that_. "If I told you all these things, it's mainly because I want to say that you don't have to feel guilty, at all. BPD isn’t the problem. YOU are NOT the problem. You hear me?" he asks looking at his blue/raven-haired daughter, but she’s avoiding his gaze. “We all make mistakes, okay, but last week it was me, and only me.” He says softly.

“What about what you told me about mom and you, feeling scared, then? Isn’t that my fault?” she finally lets out.

He can hear her distress and anger. _You can deal with it, Esteban, come on._ “No, it’s not.” He starts. He sees her mouth moving, ready to retort something. “Let me finish before saying something you’ll regret.” He declares, determination in his eyes. She defies him with her gaze, but let him talk. “Thank you.” He continues “It’s not your fault, because, yes, maybe there are all those stuffs, BPD, therapy, crisis, that are a lot to handle compare to other parents, but before BPD, we were sometimes already overwhelmed by the fact of having a child, you know. We were so young and unprepared when we got you. We always had those trust issues about not being good enough for you. But truth is, I never regretted a single second having you in my life. Not one. Because you made me grow like nothing else has ever done. I became a man because of you. No better. I became a happy man because of you. So yeah, with your mom, we put a lot of pressure on our shoulders, we want you to be happy, to feel great, and sometimes, we are bad to show it. BPD has nothing to do with it. It’s just me and your mother.” He says calmly, looking at his daughter, her head on the crook of his neck. “Say something, _hija_.” He asks, he needs to know if she understands.

 _What can I say? I just… I don’t know… I’m… I…_ “I want to go home.” She says in an unreadable tone. She is _exhausted_.

He understands. He helps her getting up, and they go back home in silence.


	3. Thursday, 18h57

She wakes up because of her phone’s vibrations. She had a little nap after coming back from the park. She feels heavy. This conversation with her father felt like out of time, they were both so vulnerable in the moment. He had never showed her so much of himself, his doubts, his fears. It was so intimate; she still doesn’t know if it was a good idea or not.

She gets out of bed, trying to put everything together and looks at her phone:

[Sapito, 15h40]: I’m dying, I need a pause, can I call you?

[Sapito, 16h06]: I will take that for a no x)

[Sapito, 18h15]: Hey, love… I know that sometimes you need time alone, but can you give me a little sign of life…?

[Sapito, 18h15]: In any case, I’m here if you need me, okay?

[Sapito, 18h44]: Joana…?

[Sapito, 18h54]: _Te quiero_

 _Fuck!_ Everything has been too overwhelming this afternoon; she completely forgot about Cris.

[Me, 18h59]: I’m sorry _Sapito_ … My father and I had a talk, and then I just fell asleep back home

[Me, 18h59]: Everything was blurry

[Me, 18h59]: I’m so sorry

[Me, 19h00]: I didn’t want you to worry I swear

[Me, 19h00]: We’ll call each other tonight

[Me, 19h00] : I’m sorry _también te quiero_

[Sapito, 19h01]: Joana, it’s okay, calm down <3

[Sapito, 19h01]: Now, we can talk about everything if you want, okay?

She _hates_ making Cris worry about her, but she _loves_ how her girlfriend can calm her down with only some messages typed on a phone. It’s been _2 days, 6 hours and 53 minutes, well 54 now,_ since she last saw her.

“Good, you’re awake, I want to show you something.” Says Esteban with a grin while entering her room.

“What about what I told you 3 hours ago?” she asks falsely annoyed, in fact, she doesn’t really mind right now.

“Well, I must have forgotten, sorry.” He laughs. “Look, every time I enter your room, I see your drawings, and I like your style. So… I thought it might interest you to see some of mine.”

“Some of yours?” She asks, frowning her eyebrows. “You’re drawing?”.

“Well, I have a lot of hidden skills, _hija_.” He says playfully. “But to answer your question. No. I _was_ drawing, I don’t anymore.” He declares.

“Show me” she says with curiosity. She is a little stun by his skills. There are a lot of “dark” and messy drawings, like hers, but also some are colorful and bright. Some are realistic, she recognizes her mom, _she looks so young…_ Some are comics, _with a story and everything!_ It’s about a little wolf named Jonas. _Where did he find all this inspiration?_ She looks at her father with excitement and in the same time with incomprehension, he is already looking at her with a big smile.

“Do you like them?” He asks looking at his works.

“Papa, they are amazing! Why you never told me?” she lets out with excitement.

“Because they’re not important, and old, and if you ask me to draw you something right now, it would just be a disaster” he says laughing.

They keep looking at the drawings for some minutes, but Joana finally lets out “Dad, thank you for this afternoon, even if, you know, it was a little “awkward”, I don’t find another word even if it’s not what I really want to say, you see?”.

“Yeah, I get it, _hija_.” He reassures her. “I just needed to let some things out, you know? I’m sorry about that. I should have been more tactful.”

“No, no, it’s okay, really.” She says meeting her anxious father’s gaze.

“Good. The only thing you must remember of this conversation, is that I’d rather be upset because of you rather than not seeing you at all. Okay _Mi pequeña loba?”_ he says softly, with a hand on Joana’s shoulder.

“Yeah, okay.” She murmurs with a little smile and a thankful gaze.

“Anyway! I see that a lot of your drawings represent Cris.” He smirks.

She blushes hard; she didn’t expect that. “Hm… well… Hm, it’s just that…” she is interrupted by her father’s hand on hers.

“ _Hija_ , chill out” he laughs. “It’s just that I’m happy to see that your drawings are way brighter since you met her. I used to draw your mother a lot too.” He assumes.

“Well… It’s like, you know, when I draw her, it makes me think about her and… and it’s…”

“It’s like she’s closer of you? Yeah, I know the feeling.” He interrupts her with a smile. He continues after a little awkward look between them. “But, why didn’t you invite her this week? I think you need her a little, no? Is there something wrong between you two?” he asks a little worry.

“Dad, I don’t need you to tell me that I need to see her, I already feel it you know, because yeah, I feel things, remember?” She laughs. They smile at each other. “And yeah, I did, but her mom doesn’t want to let her out of the house, she wants her to be ready for her exams, and she must think that I’m not a good attendance right now.” She sighs.

“Why? You’re brilliant, you could help her, even if I know that it’s not what you really want to do…” he says with his eyebrows raised and a big grin.

“Papaaa!” sighs Joana. “I really don’t want to have this conversation with you.” she says embarrassed but in the same time laughing. It just makes him shrug and laugh more.

“Send her a message again, I can call her mom to convince her if you want to” he says softly.

\---

She opens the house’s front door and puts her shopping bag in the kitchen, when she hears some laughs upstairs. She enters Joana’s room and sees her daughter and her husband on the bed, organizing some drawings.

“We will go buy some storage for all of these okay?” says softly Esteban.

“Hola” she interrupts with a smile. Joana and her father turn to look at the voice. “What are you doing you two?” she asks fondly.

“Papa wanted to compare our drawings.” Answers her daughter.

Esteban get off the bed to go kiss his wife. “Yep, she is really better than I’ve ever was” he says proudly.

“Oh, you showed her then.” she says while kissing her husband back.

Joana looks at them. _The house hadn’t been so peaceful since a while_. _Maybe he’s right, it may not always be my fault…_ She smiles at them. Her phone vibrates.

[Sapito, 19h37]: _GUAPAAAA_

[Sapito, 19h37]: SHE SAID YES!!

“Papa! Cris can come this weekend!” she says with excitement.

“Oh, because Cris is invited?” asks playfully her mother.

“Great news.” He replies. _Let’s celebrate_. “Now let this phone down…” he says with a grin while grabbing pillows on the bed. “…because right now… it’s pillow fight!!” he shouts while throwing a pillow to the two women.

“ _Viejo lobo_ , be careful…” Says Joana while preparing her shot.

“…you’re not that good anymore!” continues her mother with a laugh. They both touches him in the face.

_Yeah, I know what to tell him now. I wouldn’t change them for anything in the world._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming so far!  
> I think I made Joana a little bit too vulnerable, but I don't know, I just let myself write as it was coming.  
> Anyway, thank you for reading!


End file.
